Whenever I see him crossing in front of me, I will say in my heart, I will prepare the better of me for you so we can walk to the jannah together holding hands:)

You know what? I fall in love once. And always remember it. Love is something pure. We cannot stay away from it. cannot burn it. neither forge it into small piece of paper and throw it away. no, no, no. Love is a reward from Allah to us to show how much He loves us. but before to feel the deepness of love we must love Him first and foremost or else our love to another human being is nothing. huuuu..... bad isn't it? 

My hideous love story. I fell to someone. of course  I look at the akhlak first then others come. it is an extra asset that he is handsome.(hehehe) Then I was very doubt whether to add him on facebook or not. It was very hard to consider my action whether add@not. OMG. Every single day I looked at his fb account, looked into his profile, what his latest status. what his mind said at that particular time, his picture. I was very unconsiderable at that moment. I fought hard against my heart. I wanted to add him desperately. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to NOTICE me! I was very terrified.

Then I think wisely, I decided it was best for me to quit. I don't want to think about him or anyone else anymore. I surrender half-heartedly. then suddenly after months or more something came up and he appeared. 

It kept disturbing my mind since the day he appeared voluntarily in my life. Jealous by the fact that he was knowing my friend more than me. oh....really killing me inside and outside. 

I cried and cried and cried. I dunno why. maybe because the love was so pure until I didn't have heart to stain it(for I would stare at his pics or remember him frequently more than I remember Allah) or maybe he was very kind indeed to deserve a girl who devote her heart only to Him(Allah)

-A women heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek in Him in order to find her-

Whoa...hideous, isn't it? 

On that day I realized that something seriously important that I passed by without noticed it. Allah create us, why don't we love Allah first, then surely Allah will find someone better for us. :) I smile to see those words. It penetrates straight to the bottom of my heart, no traffic light. Alhamdulillah. I knew it. I know it. Whenever I see him crossing in front of me, I will say in my heart, I will prepare the better of me for you so we can walk to the jannah together holding hands:) Gladly I annouce I want to prepare myself. Not because of him, but Him of course. my creator who never forget me, never flip his attention away from me even I'm doing wrong. then I put the priority for him at the second place. I will try my best to become the best for my dearest You and you.