Once upon a time at KUIN

That day was third day we were at KUIN(Kolej Universiti Insaniah) for Pengajian Ala Pondok. Bored by the fact that ustaz was having an excuse and he came in late, so we decided to walk around to see the view of KUIN(err, I thought that KUIN was situated at the city wasn't it? So was there any point to view..?)

Then suddenly we saw something.....! Wow it really made our brain lighten a bit. yadayada! A vision of niqabi woman wearing her jubah perfectly aurah covered.

BUT........ there's always a but here.....

She was wearing a pair high heel shoes called wedges! OMG! How come?

I think her wedges is not too high like this one

Oh gosh, I almost faint by the 'panoramic view' in front of us. haish! Can you imagine of someone who completely aurah covered but she'S walking like a duck because of the high heels???

OH PLEASE! I CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT!

Now let me speaking as a muslim woman... : (Am I going to nag? maybe...)
There are verses from Al-Quran that say women should follow few things to cover their aurah. And the things are (correct me if I'm wrong):

1) Lower the gaze.

And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their adornment except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to God together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful

2) Guard the private parts.

3) Not display the adornment "except what is apparent of it".

4) Draw the khimar to cover the jayb.

'O Prophet! Tell to your wives, and daughters and Muslim women, that they should keep putting a part of their wrapping covers over their faces. This is nearer than this that if they are recognized, they should not be annoyed. And Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

5) Not display the adornment except to the people listed in the ayah.

6) Not stamp the feet so as to give knowledge of hidden adornment.

So muslim women out there, take good care of yourself kay? I heart you very much not because the way you look, but because the soul you have that only believe in Allah :)

If you read this entry, please spend a li'l bit time to feel my poem. Just click this link:
To All Hijabi Out There :)

P.S.: we= me and Adilah Takiuddin :) miss her so much

Whenever I see him crossing in front of me, I will say in my heart, I will prepare the better of me for you so we can walk to the jannah together holding hands:)

You know what? I fall in love once. And always remember it. Love is something pure. We cannot stay away from it. cannot burn it. neither forge it into small piece of paper and throw it away. no, no, no. Love is a reward from Allah to us to show how much He loves us. but before to feel the deepness of love we must love Him first and foremost or else our love to another human being is nothing. huuuu..... bad isn't it? 

My hideous love story. I fell to someone. of course  I look at the akhlak first then others come. it is an extra asset that he is handsome.(hehehe) Then I was very doubt whether to add him on facebook or not. It was very hard to consider my action whether add@not. OMG. Every single day I looked at his fb account, looked into his profile, what his latest status. what his mind said at that particular time, his picture. I was very unconsiderable at that moment. I fought hard against my heart. I wanted to add him desperately. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to NOTICE me! I was very terrified.

Then I think wisely, I decided it was best for me to quit. I don't want to think about him or anyone else anymore. I surrender half-heartedly. then suddenly after months or more something came up and he appeared. 

It kept disturbing my mind since the day he appeared voluntarily in my life. Jealous by the fact that he was knowing my friend more than me. oh....really killing me inside and outside. 

I cried and cried and cried. I dunno why. maybe because the love was so pure until I didn't have heart to stain it(for I would stare at his pics or remember him frequently more than I remember Allah) or maybe he was very kind indeed to deserve a girl who devote her heart only to Him(Allah)

-A women heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek in Him in order to find her-

Whoa...hideous, isn't it? 

On that day I realized that something seriously important that I passed by without noticed it. Allah create us, why don't we love Allah first, then surely Allah will find someone better for us. :) I smile to see those words. It penetrates straight to the bottom of my heart, no traffic light. Alhamdulillah. I knew it. I know it. Whenever I see him crossing in front of me, I will say in my heart, I will prepare the better of me for you so we can walk to the jannah together holding hands:) Gladly I annouce I want to prepare myself. Not because of him, but Him of course. my creator who never forget me, never flip his attention away from me even I'm doing wrong. then I put the priority for him at the second place. I will try my best to become the best for my dearest You and you. 

And now...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim… I was bad before. I was totally bad. I was controlled by my lust and desires and ambition and ego. I didn’t know that I was blind, blind by the sins that empowered me deeply until I couldn’t differentiate between light and dark. It was enjoyable moment I had, but enjoyable in desperate way, in where lightless was usual things. I was wrong before to take everything on the right side. I was someone who commits her sins to the fullest before without knowing or taking anything or without anyone comes and show me where was the light….
and now, where am I? still drowning in my full-committed sins doing or vice versa?
The moment I hear those words, my heart shake. a terrible yell inside me echoing my mind. I feel that something’s wrong with me, but I don’t know where. but those words mean something to me? what is the thing????! I want the answer and I want it now! but nobody cares for me or perhaps I care less bout them. terrified about the nightmare haunting me, nearly suicide, I almost die in my tears. no one is there like always to show me their hands and help me to stand. no one….
I cry everyday, cry every single day. no one is there to wipe my tears away. all ‘alim’ people think a person like me has no chance anymore of repenting. not even a chance to have an intention of repenting. am I that bad? I dunno that inside me lies a heart naturally will lead me to the right path of light. my Creator is waiting for me. He is always there with me. I forget that. He always show His hand to me, I ignore that, He always console me with his words in Al-Quran, I take a glance only… but He is there for me. waiting for me. patiently, calling for me. I don’t realize that, I am busy raise everyone’s attention but I forget my Creator should be prioritize first as He makes me. subhanallah….

and now…

Once I ignore, I ignore it for the rest of my life

It is hard as though to maintain it. To keep it. To preserve it. it feels like someone somebody somewhere out there are ready to kill you. Well, as long as it takes me to paradise, I don't mind, I take it. Discuss bout being ignored is very wide motion after all. I always take things for granted. It starts when I had a fight and I will never turn back and ask forgiveness. Call me an egomaniac or what, but when your heart is stepped and torn badly, you'll know how thirst your revenge will be! I am waiting to attack, to kill slowly, excruciatingly to see him yell. ha3. I am really waiting for that moment. But feel like someone slap me hardly, I am not barbaric person who smile to see others suffer physically. But I am standing here lurking in the dark to attempt the mission.

Numb

I am very disappointed. feeling useless all over my mind. how can I just take it as a simple thing when it judges my whole life. I am terribly sad. dunno how to react. my tears always not compromise with my rebellious attitude. dunno where to turn to. all hopes are gone, gone like a tiny wind in the air blowing once gone rest. I wish I am a bird so that I can fly wherever I want to go. my responsibility is nothing. but the truth is I'm not a bird. I am just cannot be anyone else. How the fact make my life so miserable. the pain seems injecting in every of my nerve. screaming, deceiving, how the pain worse by day. I take it as usual thing to happen to me everyday as the pain becomes stronger. my heart beats the pain rhythm, my mind think the hurt, my breath I breathe is the pain flu. everything seems so wrong at a time. please guide me to the truthfulness. don't leave me alone. I begging you please...enough drive me this crazy. I want to go back...go back to the eternal happiness...